Control and surrender

A major part in this path to slavery consists of slowly but surely giving up more and more privacy and control to Master, and learning to surrender to Masters decisions over its life.

Giving up control puts this control in Master’s hands. This slave finds that this requires a lot of trust. Trust that Master uses this control in a responsible way, that He knows what He’s asking and monitors what it does to the slave physically and mentally, so that the slave doesn’t have to concerned about this and can just obey and surrender. One example is the following. As previously described, Master requires His pig to make itself available for use several times during the week. Master knows that this takes a certain physical and mental toll on His slave. Now, there are days that this slave is normally not available (Fridays and in the weekend). A few weeks ago, after four subsequent evenings of serving in the chat, this slave found itself with an unexpected evening off at Fridays. This slave was tired and could really use an evening off to relax. If he said nothing, Master would just assume that he was not available as always. Moments like these are moments that test the slave’s surrender. Because it was the right thing to do, this slave did inform Master that it was unexpectedly available to serve. It was relieved that Master decided that it would need some rest, and it got the evening off it hoped for. This time by Masters decision rather than by the slave’s. Would He have decided that He wanted his pig available for use, then the pig would have been available for use, motivated to serve with not a single regret that it had put this decision in Master’s hands. This slave does understand that Master makes these decisions not based on pity or leniency, but based on responsibility and that’s a very different thing. As when this slave conveyed his blog to Master that he was not sleeping well with the plug at night, Master’s main concern was to know whether it affected his performance at work or his health or well-being, and if it doesn’t, this slave thinks He doesn’t mind (and might even like) that His pig is lying awake all horny and stimulated from the plug. So in this sense the trust works both ways; as this slave has to trust Master’s responsibility in His decisions, Master has to trust His slave to give off enough signals and to keep him informed of any relevant information that He needs to make these decisions responsibly, something that is maybe extra important in a cyber relationship. The pig has discovered that a blog like this is a great way for that, as it allows for a kind of indirect communication that gives Master a good insight into the physical and mental state of His slave.

So far, the control Master exerts over the life of His slave is limited although the pig understands that this is very likely going to increase further as time passes. Every time this pig gets a mail from its Master it finds its heart pounding, nervous whether it might contain further steps into giving up privacy and control. Currently, the pig is of course forced to be horny all the time through edging and denial, it has restrictions on self-stimulation, there’s the constant plug in the pig’s cunt and the permission it needs to insert/remove it, there’s the daily self-humiliating pictures, the shaving, and having to make itself available at week nights and there are rules about the way this slave communicates with his Master, speaking in third person (“Your slave”, “This pig”), using certain loaded words to refer to its body parts (e.g. “cunt” instead of “asshole”) and starting and ending messages with the word “Master”. Every aspect of control that was introduced has made this slave feel super nervous, aroused and very excited in the beginning, reinforcing the feeling that Master may introduce any such aspect as He sees fit whenever He wants. Many of these aspects have now become much more of a routine, like brushing teeth. This slave thinks that that may be the point, that Master takes His time to make sure these are firmly ingrained in the slave’s mind and behaviour, asserting that they are sustainable, and letting His slave realize that those elements have a certain permanency, have become an integral part of his life now. Just as this slave has come to realize that it doesn’t need to expect an orgasm anymore, as that has become very much an exception, and besides, he learned early on that he would be punished if he would ask, so is left in a mental state where he just has to wait until Master brings it up. Master is planning to at some point to fit His slave with a chastity device to further increase his frustration and reinforce the understanding that this pig doesn’t have to worry about orgasms.

A more difficult aspect of surrender is in this slave’s inclination to engage in discussion if he feels the expectations or rules have suddenly changed, if he feels he is being punished without knowing why, or feels like it is based on a misunderstanding, or feels he is being punished for behavior that was explicitly ordered the day before. This slave finds it very difficult to swallow his resistance and just accept that all that matters is that Master sees a reason to correct and/or punish His slave, regardless of whether His slave agrees with it or not. It is even more difficult to then have to humbly and respectfully apologize for mistakes it doesn’t understand or recognize as such, shake off the frustration and move on. It is in no way enjoyable, very frustrating and takes mental strength to resist acting upon the ever more subtle passive agressive ways this slave’s mind comes up with to still convey his point of view. When this slave does manage, it leaves him feeling particularly submissive for quite a while afterward, having swallowed his resistance as Master moves on as well and just continues to expect His slave to behave the way He wants. Lately, situations like this haven’t happened luckily but this slave is sure he hasn’t seen the last of it and will have to work on this aspect of surrender.